Thursday, 29 March 2012

Twitter Ruined My Orgasm

I like wanking.

Everybody likes wanking, wanking is brilliant. Alas when you’ve spent ten years being a kinky sod, your wanks get kinkier too.

Yesterday I took delivery of a package of NOS bottles, the little pods that you screw into a whipped cream canister to make your cream get whippy. It’s also of course laughing gas, and one of my favourite things to play with.

Coupled with poppers, which like wanking are BRILLIANT, you get a really rather fantastic rush from inhalation. (If you haven’t done NOS before, please read to the end before you try.)

So there I am, horny. Sniffed up plenty of poppers and my head is going a bit Outhere Brothers (boom boom boom, way-yooo etc etc), I’ve preloaded a bottle into the dispenser, and I exhale deeply. Hold my nose, and WHOOSH, inhale the full pod. Aaaand hold.

So as I get tingly, and the boom boom boom starts to reverb until it’s just a noise like an idling engine, I’m wanking, loving the altered sensations across my body. Everything is numb yet feels amazing. NOS is a powerful dissociative anaesthetic, and sure enough the vision starts to go along with the hearing. I keep wanking in NOS induced sensory deprivation, and it feels amazing.. (PLEASE read the bottom before trying this. PLEASE.)

I’m writhing around in total pleasure, then I feel something unlike anything else as yet. I feel something damp. I’ve cum. I think... Have I cum? So it begins...

It feels like I’ve cum, I think to myself, "but that was really weird. It was like it wasn’t actually an orgasm at all, but it was. Like something blocked it, but my body responded to everything. I still can’t see properly so I’m not sure, maybe I’ve cum, maybe I haven’t.. maybe I should just keep wanking, I don’t quite need air just yet. NO I’m pretty sure I’ve cum. I don’t think that damp would be there for any other reason, could it? Maybe I’m just feeling things that aren’t there. Ehh, I think I should probably breathe now." *breathes*

"OH LOOK AT ME WAFFLING. That’s just typical. Your whole body is coursing with dopamine, having an absolutely mindbending experience with unparallelled effects and you’re having a conversation in your own head with yourself about whether that was an orgasm or not. Just enjoy the wank you stupid bugger, shut up and focus on the fact you should probably be gasping with pleasure right now, not talking to yourself."

"Hahaha. That would make a good blogpost that would. Wait? What? I’m still apparently in the throes of ejaculation and you’re thinking about BLOGPOSTS?"

"HA. That REALLY WILL be an awesome subject for a blogpost. I can’t wait to get this out on Twitter. I wonder what the subject should be?"

"Twitter, wha?? Damnit. Damnit you. You bring shame to this orgasm."

"I suppose I should clean up and type this up or something."


Aaaaand here I am.

CURSE YOU TWITTER AND THE INTERNET. (And my brain, let’s not forget my inappropriately waffly brain.)

If you’re interested about NOS, PLEASE read below.


Okay, so you’ve read that blogpost, had a giggle, and then some of you are still probably thinking ‘that sounds fucking ace to try’.

You would be correct, it is. It is also however very dangerous to do if you’re not clued up. I am NOT going to tell you ‘how to take NOS’, as I don’t want to be responsible for you buggering yourself over by reading directions incorrectly. All I can say is the following things that you should NOT do:

Until you know your limits, and the effects on your body, do NOT use NOS alone. This means trying it with someone, and noting mentally what happens when right up to the point you feel you won’t want to adventure past. (This is likely to be the bit where you need air.)

Until you know your limits, and the effects on your body, do NOT mix NOS with the effects of anything else whilst playing alone. NOS is an anaesthetic, just because you don’t feel it as strongly, whatever else you are playing with (poppers included) are still working just as hard on you.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER EVER *EVER* obstruct your airways when playing with NOS. The single most important thing when playing is that when you need to gasp for air, you do, right there and then. If you can’t take that gasp of air, you’re pretty much fucked. Needless to say the very idea of obstructing your airways and playing with NOS alone is a fast track to a Darwinian end.

I have been doing breathplay for years, many many years. As a result I’m very good at regulating how I use my air, and I can go for a lot longer than a lot of people. Everybody is different. You may find you need to gasp before you start losing the senses, if you have to gasp GASP. I can take it to a ridiculous extreme, but I know where I stand at each and every point. If you don’t, don’t do it, don’t kill yourself trying to reach an effect your body can’t physically get you to.

NOS is brilliant fun, with an amazing sensation, but it IS dangerous. It IS an anaesthetic that when administered without oxygen as a blend will asphyxiate you very very quickly. Have fun, but for fucks’s sake be careful.

- Boy

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